For those who may not be familiar, I have begun a wilderness journey of sorts. Call it a mid life crisis for late bloomers, call it the consequences of following my heart and soul, but nevertheless, I will not be slinking quietly into my retirement years any time soon to join the rocking chair lineup at Cracker Barrel!
Before I tell you what I'm doing now, you should probably know where I've been.
I spent the last few years of my life trying to lead a church in its mission to make disciples. I suppose I underestimated the power of inertia in doing so. Anyway, long story short, providing options turned into power struggles which turned into dividing lines and a split church. Which...(music playing now) turned into a lovely, hearts afire new contemporary church with the doors open so wide there were blurred lines (in a positive way) between the church and the coffee shop. What's not to like? The wilderness people found a promised land. Or so they thought.
In seminary they used to tell us to "bloom where you're planted". However, what we didn't know was that this meant only if you were planted by the regional or national church. Grassroots doesn't work in our current system. After being excited about our new church start, we once again underestimated inertia. This time from local congregations and businesses who didn't exactly lay out the welcome mat at first. And woe be to those pastors and people who don't do things the company (synod) way.
I will spare you the details, but the people of "SonFire by the River", even though they have a home base and an innovative and attractive ministry, are not quite out of the wilderness because of corporate issues they thought they left behind at the mother ship. My continued leadership was turning into a liability, not for the congregation, but for the headquarters which makes the decisions about which ministries get to bloom and which do not. So in early December, I made the agonizing choice to leave this congregation so that they could move forward, and in so doing I left part of my heart and soul behind.
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Where am I now?
Spiritually and emotionally I've been in the wilderness. I have left behind nearly everything that was near and dear to me, so I've been coping with loss and grief. I jumped from the frying pan into the fire, having my heart broken twice in the last 2 years by both the local and the regional church for doing what I thought the church was supposed to be doing. So now, with battle scars not entirely healed, I'm trying to determine what shape my calling will be going forward.
Physically, in the meantime, I am spending 3 weeks in New Orleans assisting with rebuilding homes damaged by Hurricane Katrina 8 years ago, with an organization called "Lowernine". (Www.lowernine.org) And that's what this blog will focus on for the next few weeks. I've had a lot of interesting impressions from this experience that I'm looking forward to sharing with anyone interested in following this. It saves me from emailing the same things to a lot of people. In the posts to come, I'll have some pictures and stories to share. So stay tuned.
I suppose I've been in the wilderness for a lot longer than a couple months, perhaps in some respects it's been a couple years. For the Israelites, it took them a generation to find their way home. I guess that's what everyone's life journey is about, especially during uncertain times, when everything you've known is no longer in your grasp. The wilderness takes you on previously untrodden paths, as the heart once again searches for home.
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